The Writers Conference

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Dear "Gail Neiman", All my favorite writers are dead, 

so I am reluctant to make a declarative statement regarding any feelings I may have regarding you and your works.


Some of my favorite writers died before I was born (ex. Mark Twain, JRR Tolkien). Others died before I discovered them (ex. Michael Crichton -- whose work by way of Spielberg was known to me long before I knew of Crichton). And others died before I could meet them (ex. Ray Bradbury and Terry Pratchett). Finally, some I did not discover until after they had died, even though we walked the Earth for a long time together (ex. Ursula K. Le Guin). My point is Mr. "Neiman", it is likely that I am not in anyway metaphysically linked to their deaths, however, I do completely understand, if given the circumstances, you are not interested in attending the upcoming writer’s conference that I am hosting. And to be on the safest of sides, I extend this invitation to you as an attendee and not as a guest of honor, respectfully.

The writers conference will take place on February 22, 2020 (a nice palindrome date, if you’re into that sort of thing), location somewhere in the New Jersey Pine Barrens around a campfire (home of the Jersey Devil). Accommodations (lodging, food, etc.) are on your own. We’re working with a limited budget, and most of our funds our are going to (as you will see below) our very impressive list of guest speakers. The conference will begin at sunset. I encourage you, should you choose to attend, to dress warmly. Global warming be damned, I can guarantee that it will be freezing in Jersey in February. Bring snow gear as well.

The conference schedule is as follows (please note, there will be breaks between each panel presentation for eating and using the shrubbery, attendees must not leave the campfire circle once a presentation has begun):
  1. First summoning: a panel of five dead writers of the 19th century. These writers will discuss the works of theirs which they are surprised we still read today, and the works they wish we were reading instead. Q&A to follow.
  2. Second summoning: a panel of six dead writers whose books were published between 1900 - 1945. They will discuss what it was like to write during the rise of motion pictures. Q&A to follow.
  3. Third summoning (at midnight): this will be our keynote speaker, in order to ensure that this speaker is able to arrive, all attendees must have read at least one book featuring this speaker (Grendel) within the last 24 hours. He will, to the best of his ability, communicate both sides of stories and their impact on the folks involved.
  4. Fourth summoning: a panel of five dead writers whose works were published between the years 1946 - 1986. They will be discussing all topics not related to dystopias, disillusionment, history repeating itself, science run amok, ominous future warnings and technology that works in all the wrong ways or not at all. Q&A to follow if any attendees are able to come up with questions.
  5. Final summoning: seven dead writers whose works were published between 1987 - 2019. They will be discussing this year’s conference theme: immortal artists - your work is the vessel through which you live on in others, so pierce souls kindly. Q&A to follow, and provided you have read at least one of their books within the last week, signings will be available (no flash photography).
  6. In lieu of breakout sessions and workshops (as we cannot disrupt the balance of our summoning circle), the group (attendees and honored guests) will be invited to share their best campfire tales and ghost stories to the group
  7. The conference will conclude at sunrise with a closing session led by a cockerel crowing thrice.

Again, Mr. "Gail Neiman", you are cordially invited, strictly (this cannot be emphasized enough) as an attendee, to the 2020 Dead Writers Conference. We hope to see you there.

Sincerely, 
A person fairly well familiar with your works without any particularly stated opinions or feelings of said works.     

Ps. an exact listing of the specific panelists will be provided by January, once we have confirmation from our psychic medium, but we can guarantee the authors will be to die for.